CARL ANNARUMMO

AMERICAN GURNEYS

All the stores but one closed at fifteen miles per hour. Not long
afterwards, grandma, confined to an iron lung, announced that she'd no
longer remain open for marriage. "My parents had built me," she chimed
in, though somewhat muted by the iron. "Where are they now?" We all
shrugged awkwardly. My grandfather and I had one thing in common: we
deferred to the drone of industrial manufacturing. "My new pacemaker
is being built overseas by Indians," he told me, ignoring his wife.
"That scares me." My grandfather liked to go on walks alone to the
corner grocer where he'd steal pre-packaged meats by ripping open the
plastic and shoving the slimy prizes into the pockets of his
windbreaker. "I'm old," he reasoned, washing the meat in the sink.
"Besides," he'd say, "it's not like it tastes any worse stolen." And
then the two of us would sit down at the half-table in the kitchen.
After we'd eaten he'd turn to me. "Can you roll her over here so I can
ask her how she'd like her steak?" And I'd roll her headfirst over to
the table on her American Gurney so my grandfather could ask her how
she'd like her steak. "Make mine medium-rare," she'd answer, somewhat
mutedly. "Then the two of you get out of my face."



THE SEARCH PARTY

I once worked as a clerk at a car rental agency. The owner piped in
light jazz. There was a dog by the name of Darius kept on a leash tied
to a chair. His purpose was to keep thieves at bay. We were never
robbed. One of my duties was to make sure the dog had enough food in
its dish. Darius was an Irish setter. It ate and smelled like a pig.
On humid days it sported a painters hat and slurped up water from the
employee toilet. Darius could have been greatly excited or suicidal;
it was tough to tell with those dogs. Its too-precious bark had a
tinge of Irish brogue. One day it just wandered off. Never came back.
After it'd been missing for nearly a week, Ray, the owner, decided a
search party would scour the local woods and hang up flyers. Not for
his missing dog, but for his band. They were playing a benefit to help
raise money for a benefit being held the following weekend for the
search party. I ran into him after the first benefit and offered my
services. He said, "For the search party or for the benefit next week
for the search party?" "For the search party." I Said.